Blog Archives

I Am Weary

5/26/2022

Pastor Paul

“I am weary with my groaning; every night I drench my bed; I melt my couch in tears.”1
Nineteen children, three adults killed at Ross Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. I am transported back to my desk in Trumbull, CT when on December 14, 2012, eight miles to the north, twenty children and six adults were killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
I am weary. These nine and ten-year-old children robbed of the opportunity to watch the sunset, marvel at a great book, the taste of an ice cream sundae, the excitement of flipping the tassel at graduation, walking the aisle to wed the love of their lives, to experience their childrens’ birth, the joy of singing and dancing and sampling all that makes life worthwhile. And the adults who will not be present for the significant events in the lives of those left behind. The loss is unutterable, the grief profound.
I am weary. In moments of intense emotion in the face of such evil, all my emotional and biological systems short-circuit in a state of temporary chaos and disorientation. Our ability to shed tears is something unique to humans. They bind us together. They remind us that we weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. At this moment all I can do is weep, sit with the numbness I feel and shed tears about which Augustine remarked: “The tears…streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested.”2
I utter an appeal to God : “Why don’t you do something.”
I am answered: “Why don’t YOU?”

1Psalm 6:7 (The Jewish Bible, Tanakh the Holy Scriptures, ©1985 Jewish Publication Society)
2Augustine, Confessions IX, 12

Smashing the Printer

5/19/2022

Pastor Paul

Last night as I was attempting to complete some tasks (paying bills and some research), I had one of those moments. A moment when I was transported back to March-May 2020. A moment that brought my gut back to the sensations I experienced on many a Sunday morning when my Zoom worship would go haywire. (And yes, on two occasions I did say “Oh, s*#t” clearly and distinctly into the microphone – for which I got more positive feedback than any sermon I have EVER preached.) Last night the modem was acting up, and then my computer kept freezing. I ran antivirus and scanned and went to YouTube on my phone looking for possible solutions. Things would resolve and then moments later unresolve and the final straw was the failure of the printer when I had a window of opportunity of everything else settling down. “Error” messages with blinking red lights are never, ever a good sign for the technologically challenged (who doesn’t have a 10-year-old handy to walk up and do her little magic!) I lost it, shut everything down and went to bed.

This morning, of course, I nervously fired up everything and signs of last night’s horror show are non-existent. Everything is running just as smoothly as it should. Go figure.

So, imagine the giggle I got when I went to the office and after putting down my things (including the offending laptop), noticed a book Pastor Judith owns We Pray With Her: Encouragement for All Women Who Lead.1 Though I don’t officially fully qualify I opened the book -- it opened to the following:
“A Prayer in the Midst of Technical Difficulties”
(Or God, I have already smashed the patriarchy today, please don’t make me smash the printer too!)
“O Lord, you have searched me and known me.” [Psalm 139 -- my personal favorite] But I wish you would search and know this machinery so I don’t have to pull out my hair trying to figure it out. And yes, I already tried shutting it down and turning it back on again. I have important things to do, and so I just need your wisdom dealing with technology so I can go about the rest of the day – because the day will not stop!
These frustrations build and build, and I don’t have the time or the energy for it. Help me transform this moment into a space for breath and reconnection. Soothe my aggravated nerves and help me see clearing in the midst of the mess. Amen. ---Rev. Shannon E. Sullivan

“O Lord, I am thankful that you made Pat sleep through the whole episode, and you didn’t let me smash the printer! But next time could you send me the message I need before I need it?” Amen ---Rev. Paul Goodman

1We Pray With Her: Encouragement for All Women Who Lead, copyright ©2018 Abingdon Press, Nashville, TN.

Let it Rip

5/12/2022

Pastor Paul

When I was in 3th grade at West Main Street School in Milford, auditions for the school chorus did not go well. I attempted the song requested and my throat wouldn’t cooperate (too much yelling during dodgeball an hour earlier). So the music teacher (more politely than Simon Cowell) told me that I should try again next year. So, a year later I auditioned again. This time my voice or my ear or something else decided to play tricks and once again I failed to make the cut. The real cut however came from the teacher: “Paul you really shouldn’t sing in public – you don’t have the voice for it.”

Those words shaped my view of my singing ability that remains in remnants to this day. I will do most anything in front of an audience as an amateur thespian, a pastor and a teacher have often delivered. But the one thing that I do in public that causes me sweaty palms, anxious stomach, and interrupted sleep – sing a solo! As President of the Jonathan Law Drama Club in 1968-70 I sabotaged efforts to produce musicals in favor of various straight plays (because there was no way this boy was going to sing!) When I joined an amateur community theater group while I would sing in the chorus and jump into roles that didn’t require singing at all, I can remember my anxiety whenever I did have to sing. It made performance work rather than joy.
Then I started attending church on a regular basis. At first, my singing was subdued. As a non-music reader and unfamiliar with the church corpus of hymns, I missed more notes than I nailed proving that I didn’t “have the voice” for public singing. Barely audible I plodded through although it wasn’t any worse than most people around me who also seemed to have had the same music teacher in grammar school! One Sunday a guest preacher did something we didn’t regularly do – he read a psalm, Psalm 100 – Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth. Serve the Lord with gladness; come into his presence with singing. It didn’t say to sing on key or in time, or hitting each note. It only requires joy! The words sat with me so that each time we opened the hymn book the spirit reminded me that the reason for, the object and audience of my singing is God – not the people in the pews around me or even myself – but God. God already knows my voice gifted to me in my creation. There was no divine judgment on the quality of my singing – only God’s pleasure and appreciation of the joy and gratitude that propelled it!
Now the place where I sing most unashamedly, most lustily and least concerned about others is in church. It is part of my worship and praise of God. It helps me to express deep things deeply to the One whom I praise. My joy has led to acceptance of my singing resulting in having learned (somewhat) to read music – enough so that unfamiliar hymns are welcomed rather than dreaded! The Psalmist has become the antidote to my music teacher and singing has ceased to cause me the tears of fear and stress replacing them with tears of joy.
Are you planning to worship with us this Sunday? Come and make a joyful noise to the Lord!

All Aboard

5/5/2022

Pastor Paul

In the Friday before I started here at NGCC, I rode Shoreline East into New Haven, transferred to CT Rail north to Springfield, MA. After a 50-minute layover I returned by the same route. I was doing something I love.

My mother dubbed me a “train nut” at the age of 4 when I got my first train setup and started a life-long love for anything on rails! Some people get it – others don’t. The idea of just buying a ticket to ride a train for the sole purpose of riding the train seems foolish. On longer trips (like taking Amtrak to Boston) I will plan for a longer layover and have lunch at a well scouted vegan eatery. But Friday it was a ride for the ride’s sake.

A major part of my affection is the ability to look out the window and watch the scenery, the landscapes, the buildings, junkyards, beaches, shopping malls, downtowns and farms, in fact, all the things I can’t see when I am driving or flying. The sounds of the horn, bells, the unique soundtrack of steel wheels on steel rails, the squeak of bouncing of the cars or that of cars rubbing one against another, conductors calling for tickets and the announcement of station stops. Immersed in the entire experience and atmosphere I can fully relax. Others are in charge and responsible for the safe conduct of the train and its precious cargo, me (and a lot of others). It is a happy place for me. It is something in my life that I like to say, “makes my heart sing!”

Everything about railroads is a happy place for me and makes my heart sing. I carve out time just to ride the rails. I am rewarded mentally and spiritually for my effort. I am fed. Getting your heart to sing is a self-care priority and a way of nurturing the divine spark God implanted in me – in each of us.

What has God planted in you that causes your heart to sing with awe, excitement, or relaxation, letting go and the sheer joy of going along for the ride?

Messages from the Pastor

I Am Weary

Smashing the Printer

Let it Rip

All Aboard

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